Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's top comedians spent their evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas song targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

The subject was the new program which enables international individuals to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official portal pledges processing "faster than ever."

"One thought for you to rich foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.